This blog is under my name, but it is not for me. It is for Rebecca.
It's been a while since I thought, I meanly really thought about the closest person to my heart from childhood into adulthood. I guess I should change that line because it is something that I have actively done to myself – I haven’t allowed myself to think, reflect and acknowledge the reality.
Coming from Greek immigrant families, the two of us met at Rebecca’s grandmother’s house almost twenty years ago. Our grandparents had known each other in the village decades ago and coming to America after the Greek Civil War in the WWII era.
Although I don’t know much about the history, I know that Rebecca and her family have touched my life more than I allow myself to acknowledge these days.
This morning, and I don’t know what got into me, but I decided to google Rebecca Makridis. Call it morbidity, call it curiosity, I have no idea what prompted me to do it. The entries that came up were articles that other people had written about her. It upset me to be quite frank that these other people had written about someone that I knew so well. And it pisses me off that the “We Owe it to Rebecca” article won at a 2007 convention. Who is this writer, this “editorial staff”? This person/people didn’t know her - and it enrages me. Yet at the same time, reading the words of these others, I knew that I had made personal choices that prevented me from doing what they did for so long.
In my heart and mind, she is still here – this is a fault of mine because I have not come to terms with what has happened. I have pushed it in the back of my head so far that I find myself in tears now and randomly during the days and nights because of my failure to acknowledge a pivotal point in my life that has and will change aspects of me forever.
I find myself complaining and focusing on the losses that I have experienced in my life. I have “adult problems” now – mortgage, work, graduate school, long term relationship, increasing familial obligations as I start taking responsibility for the well being of the older people in my life.
I’m pissed off, I’m stressed out, I am bitter. And ultimately, it’s all an excuse. The economy, the recession, the crashing of the market place, bla bla bla bla. It’s all an excuse and I know better. Opportunity and optimism are alive and well. There is no reason that I cannot seize the day as Rebecca used to say.
I read the words of these other people, and even in my bitterness – at the world, at them, but more importantly, at myself, I am reminded of one the few people that I have ever known, and ever will know for that matter, that embodies hope and courage and genuine kindness. This girl, woman, and now, angel has impacted the lives of hundreds of people that knew her in life – with a smile that really could light a room. Everything was truly better when Rebecca was around.
We all have problems and obstacles in life. Excuses come up for unfinished tasks and untried goals. In Rebecca’s 24 years she lived a life that many of us will never live. She took every day and fought and struggled to make sure that if she were gone the next day she would accomplish her goals – and she did. And the next day, she had more. The fight for life was literally there every single day for the last three years of her battle. And nothing held her back.
In this difficult point, this crossroad of my life, thank you. Thank you for the laughter, the friendship, the family, the support, the undying wisdom.
Carpe Diem Rebecca.
We Owe it to Rebecca
NEIU Alum Persevered Despite Obstacles
